More of the story: Vulnerable

(Jesus said) But get up and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless because they heard the voice but saw no one. Saul got up from the ground, and though his eyes were open, he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. For three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. ~ Acts 9:6-9
Sometimes we are closer to the truth in our vulnerability than in our safe certainties. ~ Rachel Held Evans, Searching for Sunday


I remember when I was younger asking myself why I hadn't had a "Road to Damascus" moment. You know, a huge and terrifying and dramatic moment where I just knew God existed and was in my life. One that left me with no doubt.

 But I'm pretty sure now that isn't the point of this Road of Damascus moment for Saul. And it isn't the point for me either.

 Saul had been so sure of himself. He knew everything there was to know about God.

 Until he found out he didn't.

 And it wasn't until God had stripped away all of that certainty and left him emotionally AND physically unsure of himself, that God was able to finally get something to work with.

 Saul had to let go of what he knew and let himself be led: let himself be open to the new thing that God was doing in him, for him, with him, and through him.

 It had to be terrifying.

 So maybe I've had my Road to Damascus moments after all. I've had moments where vulnerability stripped me bare; where my knowledge didn't get me anywhere; where my doubts were the things that led me to feel closer to God.

 Maybe it didn't come in a blinding light as it did for Saul. But sometimes light needs to slowly break in before we can fully see what it is trying to show us.
Prayer: Holy One, help me not be afraid of finding you when I am at my most vulnerable and least certain. Amen

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